


it's what she deserves

by xoxkimmiexox



Category: IT (2017) RPF, IT - Stephen King
Genre: Ben is so sweet, F/M, VERY SMALL REDDIE, beverly and boys, i love benverly, just controlling, mike is amazing, richie and his smoking, small but sweet, uhhh some small abusive actions?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 22:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20496269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxkimmiexox/pseuds/xoxkimmiexox
Summary: Beverly catches the eye of many boys throughout high school and dates a few as well. None of which seem to make her too happy though, but there is one who's always been there...





	it's what she deserves

**Author's Note:**

> small drabble about beverly and her dating experiences! there are some 'abusive' actions from some of the guys, mostly just controlling beverly, nothing too heavy.

Beverly Marsh had horrible taste when it came to guys, that was just a known fact. 

No one understood though, why such a fascinating girl would always usher herself in the direction of such shitty boys. When asked, Beverly would always tell the questioner that she had no idea what they were talking about. That she didn’t have bad taste, and that most guys she dated were just coincidentally not all that great. She would use the term ‘most guys’, when it was really all guys. 

When she was younger, her infatuation with Bill grew immensely. But it wasn’t long before she realized her attraction was more at the cause of Bill’s enchanting aura, and not so much emotions. Bill just had that impact on everyone, his charisma and leader-like qualities. She liked the fact that someone so important thought she was great though, so she flirted for a little bit. Things felt a little weird after a while, and he soon got over her as well, both of them agreeing that dating would feel too weird. Luckily, there had been no awkwardness in the friend group after that. Beverly never told him that she had known for a while that she didn’t really like him, she didn’t find it too significant anyways. 

Freshmen year, Beverly found herself giggling at every joke a brown haired boy in her Biology class would tell her. They sat in the corner of the class, and he would make snarky remarks about the teacher every chance he got. Beverly didn’t actually dislike the teacher, but the jokes he’d make were just so funny. His name turned out to be Alexander, and he was even funnier out of class. Also, he liked Beverly. Gretta once commented that Alexander wouldn’t make any of his jokes in Biology if Beverly wasn’t there that day, and that gave her butterflies. One day in class, Alexander had scribbled something onto a piece of paper, and slowly slid it over to her side of the desk. She stared at it for a second, then unfolded it. It was a small note that stated, “Wanna be my girlfriend?” and had a box with “Yes” or “No”. It made her giggle, because there was also a smile smiley face in the corner of the note, right next to the box of acceptance. So of course, giddy with excitement, Beverly checked off the box next to the smiley face, and slid the paper back to Alexander. She watched him unfold it, and returned the smile he gave her. A boy liked her, and she liked him. 

Everything was okay for a while. Sometimes Alexander would even join the losers at lunch, scooting in between Beverly and Ben. Though she never noticed it herself, later on she’d learn that Ben never quite enjoyed Alexander’s presence, whether it was next to him at lunch or just in general. Beverly and him would laugh together in biology, and he would walk her partially home. But she should have caught on to the fact that Alexander appeared to like her even more when he saw her take out a cigarette for the first time, begging for her to give him one. Now, Beverly wasn’t some addict. She was fine with sharing a smoke and always did with Richie. But it started to feel peculiar when Alexander didn’t care what she had to say or if she wanted him to walk her home unless she had her pack of cigarettes with her. Those things weren’t easy to buy either, she had always settled on stealing them one way or another. Now she was getting used for them, by a boyfriend who barely even showed any interest in her anymore. She pulled herself together and dumped Alexander, telling him from that point on he could buy his own cigarettes. 

The next day, all of her friends seemed quite pleased that the boy wouldn’t be joining them for lunch. Especially Ben. 

Sophomore year, Beverly got herself wrapped up with a dark eyed guy who she always caught looking at her when she walked to her third period. They would pass each other every day, as she turned the corner and made eye contact with him as he stood at his locker. It was like he was waiting for her, after a few weeks had gone by. Like he didn’t even need anything from his locker, but waited there to catch a glimpse of the beautiful redhead who walked by. One day, as she turned the familiar corner, he wasn’t there. Instead, he had been waiting at the door of her third period, her English class. He had asked her to ditch with him, so they could get to know each other. Beverly knew it was wrong, and she really liked English. She also wondered why he couldn’t just ask her out for lunch afterschool or something, but her curiosity consumed her like the wildfire burning in her hopeless, teenage heart. So she cut with him that day, and found out a couple things. Jake Glyder was a Junior, a year above her, and obviously was the opposite of the boy next door. He differed from her last boyfriend, who instead of begging her for cigarettes, kept a pack on him at all times. She considered it a relief, a point for Jake in that moment. They had snuck out the schools back door near the gym, and took her to a nearby park. They had sat on the grass, where he told her about all about himself, barely pausing to get her intake. She knew something was off about that, but she ignored it, and focused more so on bruises on his knuckles and the leather jacket he wore. Those attributes made her feel a surge of exhilaration.

That’s what Jake was all about, exhilaration. Asking Beverly to cut classes with him, sneak out on Friday nights, taking her to parties. Sometimes she’d lie in bed wondering if he ever ran out of energy, because she sure did. She never wanted to let that show, though. All of Jake’s friends knew her as the girl to go along with anything, at any time. And although the title made her feel a little sick sometimes, when the guys would holler at her when she walked around with the older guy, she pushed it away. 

Until the day Ben got to her before Jake the morning before school. He hastily grabbed her aside, taking her completely by surprise. Ben made his points quite quick and clear, Jake wasn’t good for her and she was being dragged down.

Beverly kind of chuckled, even though she knew Ben wasn’t lying. She just really didn’t want to believe it. 

“Bev, stop lying to yourself. You deserve better.” Ben then walked away, his back turned so Bevely couldn’t see the way his lip trembled. 

She didn’t ever tell anyone, or talk to Ben why she did it, but that following afternoon she broke up with Jake. She was a little worried it wouldn’t go well, but then she realized he was barely at school anyways. There was a low chance she’d really ever even see him after they broke up. 

The summer after Sophomore year, Beverly went to a Gretta Bowie’s party. While Gretta despised Beverly, and had always bullied her, Gretta valued having a huge party more than some hatred. She knew that to have everyone talking about her, she needed to invite as many people as possible. So when Gretta came up to the losers club one day at the local diner, letting them all know about her party, they weren’t all that shocked. Everyone besides Eddie was actually excited, the small boy just being his usual nervous self. Beverly had gotten a ride from Stan and Mike, the other boys riding together. They all met up at the party, and Beverly gave Eddie a small hug of encouragement. Then, they all split up. Well, at least Beverly split up from them. She would pass by Ben or Richie occasionally, mostly Richie though. They danced together as Richie brought her a drink, Ben mostly just checked in with her. At some point throughout the night, Bevely found herself wanting a break from everything. The lights, voices, and music had just become too much all at once, and she needed some fresh air in her lungs. When she finally found the back door of the house, she slipped out into the backyard. The night air consumed her as she stood there just taking a few breaths. She nearly screamed out of surprise when a voice greeted her, spinning on her instantly. There stood a tall, lean, blond. He had hazel eyes and wore some band shirt Beverly couldn’t recognize. After apologizing for scaring her, and walking up next to Beverly, the blond gave himself the name Charlie. He was full of charisma, smirking at the girl by his side and asking her about her life. Beverly was surprised she went to school with Charlie had never even heard of him until now, he sure was a sweet talker. And that’s how she met her third boyfriend. 

Charlie was essentially best described as always being present. Days where Beverly hung out with her male friends quickly become non apparent, as Charlie always demanded to be there. It wasn’t obvious at first, stating he only wanted to get to know his girlfriend’s friends. Beverly took it as him wanting to be involved in her life, it seemed like a nice enough gesture. But soon it became more persistent, more constant. She never got to hang out and smoke with Richie anymore, she wasn’t allowed to do that. If she ever tried to vouch for herself, to beg for solitude away from Charlie, he’d make her feel bad. He would tell her that a girlfriend shouldn’t need time away from the most important person in her life. The time Beverly yelled back that her friends were the most important people to her, Charlie broke up with her. That was the first time she had gotten broken up with. But she didn’t feel the need to leave class running to the bathroom to cry over Charlie, or the need to watch sad romance movies while eating ice cream. She felt no sadness, just a sense of a lifted weight. The first thing she did once Charlie left her, was knock on Richie’s door to ask him if he wanted to go for a smoke. The way Richie’s eyes lit up was something Beverly would always laugh at. They hadn’t had any one on one time in a while, at Charlie’s fault, and it felt good to return to how things used to be. 

“I never liked him,” Richie confessed after a long drag of the cigarette between his fingers. He didn’t look at Beverly, just staring out into the abyss. Richie did that a lot when he was being honest, he didn’t look at you. Beverly assumed it was because if he felt the pressure of eye contact, he’d crumble into telling some jokes. She could find sense in that. 

“I assumed,” She sighed. Then Richie did turn to look at her, and it was horrifying. His eyes were honest, and truthful. There was no smile dancing upon his lips or snarky grin. He had no teasing slipping from his tongue or laughter erupting from his chest. He just stared at Beverly, his eyebrows scrunched. 

“Why do you do that to yourself?” 

His tone was achingly hushed, like he was asking to know some sort of secret.

“Do… do what?”

“Why do you let assholes date you?” 

The question made Beverly swallow nervously, as she focused on each part of the phrase. She knew deep down why, she always did. She knew she was always getting involved with guys who were just going to hurt her in the end, fuck up her life. But how was she supposed to say that out loud? There was no way she could phrase her ideology without masking the overall stupidity of it. 

“I don’t deserve much greater,” She finally mutters, flicking the cigarette in her hand. 

Richie laughs, but it’s empty. There is no humor in it, but an obvious tint of disbelief. Richie has never gotten furious with Beverly, or at least there isn’t a time where she can remember. Sure, she’s told him to shut up a few times and he’s fired back, but that’s just them. He has never looked as mad as he goes right now with her, and it makes her feel a little disappointed in herself. 

“Beverly, I can’t fucking believe you,” It’s the scroff he lets out that stabs at her side. 

“What?” 

“You’re incredible, and you don’t even see it. You’re probably the coolest chick in this run down town, and you think you deserve those dicks. It’s honestly unbelievable.”

“I… I’m incredible?” She feels a lump in her throat, because even though she hears the words, everything in her childhood has chalked Beverley up into believing she wasn’t worth anything. 

“Ask anyone, you’re amazing,” Richie throws his cigarette into the ground and stomps it into the ground. He looks like he’s about to leave, before he starts speaking again, “You know who probably thinks you’re the most amazing person in the world?”

The question makes Beverly raise her eyebrows, “Who?”

Richie frowns and lets out a sigh, “Ben, he thinks you’re the greatest person there is. Always had, Bev. Always has.” 

He doesn’t give her the chance to reply, because the second Richie is done talking, he turns and walks away. He’s probably going home, to what Beverly can assume, but she doesn’t stop him. She just lets his words sink in. Ben. 

When Junior year starts, Beverly gets tired of asking her father for money. He’s overly intrusive with asking what she’s buying and it makes her uncomfortable. Without much thought needed, she applies to work at a nearby cafe. With her smile and friendly nature, the employers hire her. The job is fun, she likes greeting new people every day and she especially likes it when her friends show up at the shop to grab some coffee and just hang out with her. Stan likes to come in, order a black coffee, and just chat about his day. It’s mostly small talk, but it feels natural with Stan. Sometimes he’ll bring up something stupid Richie did, it always makes Beverly laugh. When Eddie comes around, he buys a pastry. Most often he is accompanied by Richie, who tries to take a bite out of whatever Eddie buys. Eddie is vocally reluctant, but Beverly never misses the way Eddie always slides over his food without a second thought. Bill and Mike like to come to the cafe to work on school work, sometimes together but more often than not. They both work best with quiet anyways. Whenever Ben comes, which Beverly can’t lie is very often, he always asks Beverly about her day. At first she doesn’t talk about it much, not finding importance within her daily events. But Ben dismisses any thought of that, claiming he would love to hear Beverly talk, even if it is just about how many coffees she had to make that day. That’s something that makes her blush, and she never gets that out of the back of her mind. 

But that doesn’t mean anything to the redhead when one day, a nicely dressed young man walks into the cafe. He’s very undeniably attractive, and has a deep voice that makes Beverly swoon. He looks about a year or two older than Beverly, making any attraction sort of risky. But she doesn’t make any consideration of that, as she flirts with him over the counter while taking his order. His name turns out to be Casey, and he makes a small comment about needing to work on something for his University class with a joke. He’s a freshman in college, marking him two years older than Beverly, which for some reason, she finds exciting. Any imbalance of power in a relationship with him doesn’t cross her mind, and she gives him a big smile while taking his money. When his coffee is finished, which she makes herself, he scribbles his number onto a piece of paper, winking at her as he leaves with his satchel and pristine blazer. Beverly is heavily interested.

Their first date is at some fancy restaurant, one Bevely had only ever associated with adults going to. That’s when she realizes that Casey is in fact an adult, which makes her uneasy in a sense. At the end of that night, he kisses Beverly in his car. There’s a taste of desire in his mouth, something that wants more than just a sweet kiss. Beverly does her best to pull away before she starts something she cannot finish.

When they start dating, Beverly realizes she cannot go out with Casey while wearing casual clothing, things such as t-shirts and jeans. He makes a disgusted face at her when she does this the first few times, even offering to buy her nicer clothes if needed. She starts to wonder how a college student has so much money to spare. The controlling doesn’t stop there, soon he’s telling her what she should wear her hair. Apparently her face looks less feminine with her hair up in a ponytail, even though that gets it out of her face. Casey likes it when she comes off more feminine, when her clothes are tighter and her hair frames her face. It becomes her sole focus, what Casey wants. What she’s grateful for is the fact that Casey puts no restraints on her social life, as she doesn’t recognize that this shouldn’t be a plus, yet simply the norm. She’s happy that she still gets to hang out with her group of friends, and sometimes lets traits she built with Casey’s influence come out with them. When they all plan to go over to Bill’s house for movie night, Beverly doesn’t notice that she can just wear a t-shirt and some pajama pants. Instead, she grabs a long sleeved top, that does a lot of showing. Casey always tells her those types of shirts make her look older, more like a woman. More like the Beverly he likes. And she pairs the long cut shirt with a skirt, showing off her legs. It completely slips her mind that she isn’t going on some date with Casey, that she can just be herself.

When she arrives at Bill’s, she gets a howl from Richie in a joking manner, which makes her realize how she looks. She also can’t miss the way Ben nearly trips over himself when he sees her. 

“I didn’t know we were going formal tonight,” Eddie playfully says, gripping at his clothes, which include a shirt Beverly swears is Richie’s and a pair of shorts. 

“I… I…” Beverly struggles to speak, realization of what she has become hitting her. Everyone stares at her, with different expressions. Faces of confusion, humor, and shock cloud her concious until she can’t handle it anymore. She quickly drops her bag for the night and runs past the boys, heading straight for where she knows is the Denbrough bathroom. She doesn’t mean to cause a scene, but she also doesn’t mean to start sobbing out of nowhere. 

Locking herself in the bathroom, she sinks into the ground and clutches her legs to her chest. This wasn’t her, she had become some kind of arm candy for her boyfriend. Did she even like him? DId he even like her? He had fabricated her into someone she couldn’t recognize, someone who didn’t even dress like themselves. When she looked in the mirror, she didn’t know who was looking back at her. How had she managed to let a man erase her identity and replace it with someone she didn’t know? 

There’s a knock at the door and she expects to hear Richie’s voice call out, or maybe even Eddie’s. She’s pushed into a state of shock when she hears Mike instead. 

“Hey, Bev? Mind opening the door for me, please?” 

“Um… yeah, yeah.”

Beverly lifts herself off the cold floor, which made her legs get goosebumps. She grabs the doorknob, unlocking it. Mike does the rest, opening the door and taking in the scene before him. Bervely’s mascara is run, and her lipstick is smudged. Mike wants to ask why in the world she’d wear lipstick to movie night, but holds back. That isn’t what his friend needs right now. He closes the door behind him, and sits down next to Beverly’s previous position. She takes a seat, and looks at Mike in silence. There isn’t a smidge of awkwardness in the air, communication flowing in the quietness. Mike is waiting for her to speak, for her to explain. And so she does. 

She tells him all about Casey’s antics, about how she was the girl he wanted. She told him about how the age difference made her feel like she could never question him or his opinions. She told Mike that what he wanted leaked into her own values, infecting who she was and causing her to forget. There was something about Mike, something about his aura. It made Beverly feel like she wasn’t getting judged, but merely understood. Like Mike wasn’t thinking anything negative about her, and he was just trying to understand the situation. 

“Why?”

His question makes her nauseous, as she doesn’t need to ask for clarity like she did with Richie all that time ago. 

“I- I don’t know Mike,” She starts to cry again, as Mike wraps an arm around her and brought her in. The embrace is comforting and large, as Beverly remembers how fit Mike is from years of farm work. 

“It’s okay to not know, but it’s not okay to keep repeating the same mistakes. We all love you Beverly, and we all want the best for you. When you show up from time to time with a new problem in your life that can be minizming to just some guy, that isn’t you at your best. It isn’t you happy. And you just keep messing up that way.” 

“Mike I know I keep fucking up, you don’t need to tell me,” Beverly sniffles pulling away.

“Then stop fucking up. I’m just saying, if you understand something’s wrong, fix it. Stop going for men who just hurt you, you don’t deserve that. You deserve so much better.”

Beverly pouts, she feels vulnerable and helpless. Mike stares at her as she takes out her phone and types up a simple yet direct text to Casey, breaking things off with him. He doesn’t reply as fast as she’ like him to, but she vows to herself she won’t see him in person again on her own terms. She sighs, resting her head on Mike’s shoulder as he rubs her back. 

“Just… take a break. Look around you, just watch things for a while, don’t involve yourself in anything, okay? Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two, who knows. At least you won’t get hurt,” Mike whispers, and Beverly let his words engrave themselves in her brain. She thinks about them over and over again, as Mike gets up to grab some toilet paper. He sits across from Beverly, wiping her makeup off. It’s extremely personal, and a very connective moment. She’s glad it’s with Mike, someone she feels comfortable enough to share this moment with. She sits there in silence when she leaves the bathroom, coming back in a few minutes with clothes from Bill’s room. She chuckles taking the shirt and cloth pants from Mike. He shrugs at her in a joking way, then closes the bathroom door behind her. Beverly slips out of her tight restricting outfit, and pulls on the comfortable oversized clothing. When she’s finished, she looks at herself in the mirror. 

“There you are,” She whispered to herself.

Over the course of the next few months Beverly doesn’t pay much mind to any boys who flirt with her or she finds attractive. She lets herself find her own familiar surge of independence, being her own person. 

But things shift for her in some way. She starts wanting more to be around Ben, she likes the way he makes her feel. And it isn’t some sort of superficial importance, or that he calls her pretty so often it makes her flattered. It’s how interested he is in her life, and what she has to say. How he listens to her babble for hours on end about how ignorant it is that her thoughts are often looked over at work because she’s a girl. She likes how Ben immediately agrees, and she can tell it isn’t just to agree with her. He tells her he likes how passionate she is about things, and how it’s important to find significance in things we believe in. Beverly likes how often Ben checks up on her, and how things are at home. He cares so much, more than anyone else ever has for her. When she gets so stressed she can’t stop crying, Ben is there to wipe away every tear that falls. His fingers making Beverly’s cheeks burn in an indescribable way. It doesn’t hurt, just burns. How she finds out she actually loves to listen to Ben talk about the books he reads and how fascinating they are.

“You’re fascinating,” She lets slip out one day while they in Ben’s room. 

“What?” He stops talking about his latest read, turning to face her rapidly, back now turned to hs bookcase. She’s perched on his bed, sitting cross legged with a big smile. 

“I said, you’re fascinating, Ben.” 

“Why? I mean… sorry, that’s just greatly random.” She swears she can see his cheeks get pink.

“I just said what I was thinking. I like it when you talk, and when we hang out. I think you’re my favorite person.”

Beverly lightly taps the space next to her on the bed, inviting Ben to sit next to her. It’s a kind gesture, even though it is Ben’s bed. 

He comes over, fiddling with his fingers as he sits next to her.

“Can I tell you something, Beverly?”

She softly smiles, scooting closer to him, “Go right ahead.”

“You’re my favorite person too.” 

Beverly nearly tears up, because finally, after four years, she has come to where she belongs. As she sits on Ben Hanscom’s bed, at the start of their Senior year in High School, she now knows. As she looks at Ben’s light freckles, and his dirty blonde hair, and the way he stares at her like she put the moon in the sky, she knows.

This is what she deserves.

Ben deserves her and she deserves him.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh i hope you enjoyed!! leave your thoughts in the comments if you'd like, and come on tumblr to talk to me


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